When we are living life for the next... and not in the moment we become sick.
When we think to ourselves, that once we get that job and make that money, THEN we will be happy. When we loose that weight and have that awesome body, THEN we will be happy. When we are always looking forward to something in the future rather than focusing on the now -our hearts become sick.
We must have vision but always hoping for something to happen leaving up it up to chance somewhere in the future; completely out of our control, will have devestating results. I speak from experience.
My husband traveled for a living and we always were looking forward to the future. Hoping that one day the brand he was representing would sell and we will be able to be finacially sound and stable. That the time he was putting in NOW would pay off in the future. And that one day he would not have to travel all over the US sacrificing his family in the process.
We spent the last century chasing carrots, believing in other people's dreams. Making them our own. Giving "them" the key to our future as well as our present. No brand has sold and made us millionares as we had hoped.
Just the opposite... It has left me feeling sad, broken and depleted... crushed thinking of all the precious time wasted. Time you will NEVER get back.
And to sit here typing you with tears pouring down my face... rather, the result it has had serious lasting effects on our marriage.
I always dreaded seeing the suitcase in the corner open and ready to go for the next work week. It was very difficult to keep up with all the cities he was in and all the meetings he was having.
This morning he rolled his suitcase out the door and it all just HIT me. HARD
All the time that has gone by...WASTED! all the moments we missed out on because I was waiting for his return. Some weeks he was gone 3-5 days - I hated to watch him go. It broke my heart each and everytime he'd leave. And I'd eagerly await his return. It was an emotional roller coaster.
Just the sound of the wheels would bring me to tears. I missed him so much while he was away. I'd look forward to the call or text if he when he had a free moment to catch up.
The calls got quicker and the texts became shorter as time went on.
We became less and less a priority in eachothers lives. The focus was WORK. Work came first. Why because it is what keeps the lights on and the food on the table. Not too mention one day it will all pay off. Well I am here to say it did not payoff.
We are getting divorced.
Those who say "absense makes the heart grow founder" I don't believe they have ever really experienced ABSENSE. I say that's BULL SHIT