Last night I had a vivid dream. I recieved a call from my cousin's childhood friend -he called himself Smalls. He opened up the call with, "Monica, It's Smalls. I need your help. I lost my job." He began to open up to me about how worthless and insignificant he felt. How he was worried about the future and he did not know how he was going to provide. He shared how he had been looking for a way out, but could not find one. He felt trapped, overwhelmed and lost. And was contemplating suicide. So he was reaching out to me because he heard that I had been in that place too.
I woke up determined and focused on sharing my story. The truth that I too feel all of those things but your feelings are not truth. One must change their perspective to: RELEASE. You've been released from the Matrix. This illusion the world calls LIFE.
Life according to the world is a game and when you lose your job, you lose at the game. But what if the job loss really was not a loss at all. We are taught that money is the most valuable thing we can have and that we must work hard in order to aquire it.
Let me remind you of something, the wealthy have all the money in the world and with it they buy TIME. TIme is what you have been given. When you loose a job, something that has been taking up all your time, it allows you the freedom to create. To decide what it is you'd truly like to do with your time you have on this earth.
A few days ago I was scrolling on facebook and saw my childhood friends photo several times on various peoples profile pictures. It hit me. Something's wrong... I looked into it further and realized she had died. I could not believe it. I was reading it, but the reality was not hitting me. I reached out to her best friend Nina. It was real. She told me how she had visits from her in her dream. I just cried. I could not stop crying. Selena was my childhood friend. A friend I was super close with in the 6th and 7th grade. A time in my life I felt invincible. Invincible means to powerful to be defeated or overcome. No matter how many times I had been knocked down, I'd overcome and rise up victorious.
First, Selena... then Tom. I was telling another childhood friend about the passing of Selena, then she shared that Tom too died. Tom was the very first person who ever bought yumbitz. Who believed in me and my vision. He was the first $20 I had ever made. These two people were very special to me at one time in my life, and very popular in my grade. They were very happy go lucky people, fun, a true joy to be around. Learning of their death did something to me. I can't quite explain it, but a reality hit me hard... Mortality I guess. Our time on earth is limited.
The wealthy realize this and spend money on services that free up their time. They value their gifts and talents and use them to create and serve the world in a greater way. I was scouring my tub the other day ago and deep cleaning my bathroom when this awareness hit me. Yes, I'm saving money by doing it myself... but I was wasting precious time. The bathroom must get cleaned, the house must get cleaned but... the time it took, well often times it takes the whole day. Wasting precious time. I have cleaned this home over and over and over again... I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. I tell myself when I can afford a house cleaner, then, I'll be living the GOOD LIFE. When I work hard enough to deserve one. But really what I'm looking for is HELP. I need help.
Saying I need help brings up all sorts of feelings... Weakness being the greatest. I feel weak saying I need help. I've been taught that you should figure it out on your own. Asking for a "hand out" is beneath YOU! You are better than that! So, I sit over here in pride. To proud to ask. To proud to believe someone would help me. I'm the helper, not the helpee.
God has put me in this position before. When I worked at the food pantry and became the one who needed help. That was a very humbling experience. I remember vividly Patricia opening a brown paper bag and telling me to fill it up. To take what I needed. We had exhausted our entire savings...and had a new born baby to take care of. My husband lost his job, for 9 months we tried to make it on our own. We reached out for help from the Government but they told us that we did not qualify because we made too much money. We lost a six figure position. NO MORE INCOME. Our expenses became too great. Depleted of all of our own resources. Patricia said, "do it for Karly. Atleast take baby food and diapers." I took the bag she handed me and broke down in tears. It was not supposed to be this way! I'm better than this. I'm capable, and able to make my own money. But nothing was opening up for us with regards to a job. That's when I decided to give birth to yumbitz, a dream I had on my heart. I had always wanted to create a cookie company. I was too fearful to step out. I would often tell myself, "who are you to create a cookie company?" there are so many cookie companies out there already?" That's when I decided I wanted to create a cookie company that would give back! To help people who were like us. God had given me the vision years ago. Piece by piece it showed itself to me and once we were in this financial bind... it became clear to me.GO FOR IT! You've nothing left to loose. You've hit ROCK BOTTOM! My cousin Michael said to me, "Take a Leap of Faith!" He was right. It was time. I had been talking to him and my other cousin David about making a name for yourself. I asked them if they ever felt like they were supposed to make a name for themselves like Michael Jackson or Walt Disney? They had. I asked others. They had too. I realized what seperated us from our dreams was the feeling of worthiness.
Who am I to? Often came up in my spirit. Seeds of doubt manifested themselves in road blocks in my mind. I decided to push thru and make a way through the brush, carve my own path. Others followed. I renamed the cookies: Savor, Indulge, Unwind and Shine. I wanted people to become one and get connected to the cookies. To taste and see that God is good. We have all we need. Savor the Moment, Indulge in the things that which give us pleasure. Unwind, take time out to just be and Shine! Live life to the fullest!!!
I believe the same thing is happening to me again. I lost my J.O.B. in September 2024. I ran around with my head chopped off grasping for opportunities to make money. All the while navigating through feelings of unworthiness, deserving, insignificance. I had tied my identity once again to a posiiton. This is NOT the first time I've done that. When I chose to leave my job in 2009 to pursue the call on my life to believe for that baby girl God promised me. All of this flooded me. It happened again when David lost his job in 2012 and again when I lost my marriage and my job in 2024.
I am just now realizing I'm going through an identity crisis. I have forgotten who I am. I've tied all my security and feelings of worthiness in doing instead of "being".
In 2023, God put it on my heart to relaunch yumbitz as a GUMMIE company and call it the seker collection. I've had this vision on my heart since 2019. Again, it came in pieces. I moved in faith and it started to unfold. It has changed significantly since however, I'm realizing it was rebuilding me. He was using this company to mold me. To teach me to believe in myself and Him. Hence, seker. Seker meaning seeker of him and the hidden treasure he has for those who believe.
I've asked what my mission statement was when I was creating yumbitz. I heard: "baking hopes and dreams. just believe!" What started out as a cookie company to feed the "hungry" children, has since developed into a means for the people to feed themselves. the seker collection - unlock the secrets of the "you"niverse. The children who are "hungry" for purpose and vision. To know that they Matter. That their life makes a difference. Through the seker collection I am reminding you that you ARE: deserving, loved, beautiful, amazing, unique and worthy. And that you are fully equiped to do all that he has called you to do.
The loss. It had to happen. I needed to be reminded of what truly matters; not money, but time. Time is precious. Having childhood friends pass, reminded me that our time is limited. What are you doing with the time that remains? How are you spending it? or are you wasting it?
Change your perspective, You did not loose anything. You gained. You've been given something greater than money, TIME! Now Go for it? What are you waiting for!